Coming soon – Emoji the movie

Danger, rant ahead

You damn kids, you’ve really gone and done it now. Your love of textspeak has convinced the powers that be at Sony to make a movie about emoji. Yes those little yellow buggers are getting their own film.

Not only that, but Sony only got the rights to “Emoji the movie”*  by outbidding Two other studios (allegedly Warner Bros and Paramount). The bidding war pushed the deal up to a near seven figure sum (again this is just Tinsletown gossip).

The pitch was made by Eric Siegel and Anthony Leondis who will co-write the film, with the latter also directing. Both have solid enough reps in Hollywood and have the plot and ideas for the storyline already fleshed out in storyboards that were used in the pitch.

What’s in it for them 

The great attraction about emoji, from the studios point of view, is that everyone in their target demographic knows what they are, but nobody owns them. This means none of the rights issues and costs associated with something like “The Lego Movie” which must have been a nightmare what with characters having rights owners of both the original character and it’s logo version to deal with. Not only that but they’ll be able to flog their version of emoji back to phone/app manufacturers (my money is on Samsung) for the official movie tie in emoji.

The plot?

As to the plot,  I suspect it will involve a large cast of characters with personalities based on what sort of emoji they are,  the frown emoji being grumpy etc. Or maybe they’ll have the shocking twist that the smiley emoji is actually a depressive reliant on pills to perform his function. They’ll all start off not liking each other until some crisis (they discover they are on a Blackberry or Windows phone and their world is dying through lack of use) causes them to pull together and save the day. Or something.

The important thing

Frankly the plot is less important than the fact that it will need to be bright and colourful and have a couple of songs that small children can learn the words to. That way the world of mass merchandising will be their oyster and the inevitable sequel will go into production in record time.

No date for the release of this monstrosity has been announced, but given that the lack of rights means anyone can make a movie based on the concept should make Sony want to get “Emoji the movie”*  in theatres ASAP.

* “Emoji the movie” is unlikely to be, or bear any resemblance to the real title, but frankly who gives a shit.


 

 

Darrell Jones

Geek Power's answer to Jeremy Clarkson. That's to say he's a sad, middle aged man with a big mouth who's trying to act like he's still in his twenties. he remembers the days of punch cards, paper tape and hard drives the size of toasters with the capacity of the kind of usb stick you might get in a Christmas cracker.